Play the hand.

I read today that Randy Pausch died. In case you've been living in a hole for the past year, he became an overnight YouTube sensation and best-selling author with his "Last Lecture."

His message was simple. Achieve your childhood dreams.

When I first tried to remember my childhood dreams, I couldn't. I'm sure a lot of people go through the same thing. Growing older isn't fun, and a lot of those white-picket-fence hopes we had so long ago tend to disappear with each birthday.

So, I tried harder. And I remembered.

I wanted to be a ballerina. Then a lawyer, which originated with my first read of "To Kill A Mockingbird." Who didn't want to be Atticus Finch?

Then, a writer.

My mother has a hope chest in her bedroom. Since she was a teenager, she's filled it with pictures of homes, her favorite books, dolls and later on, baby clothes from my brother and I. In it, she has some of my earliest stories.

Before most kids could read, I was writing about the daily adventures of a giraffe I had fallen in love with in my mind. I wrote novels about kids my age becoming detectives or teachers or going on picnics with their happy families.

I don't know why I ever thought I could be anything else. Clearly, writing is in my blood. It is what I was meant to do. It is who I am, whether or not the job market wants to comply.

I've been searching frantically for a job for about six weeks now. Maybe more. Counting back only leaves me frustrated. I keep thinking, "I don't care what I get. I just need to pay the bills and make enough to put a few bucks away."

Being an administrative assistant or some marketing manager in charge of clients I know I won't like is not going to be easy. It's, obviously, not what I was meant to do. But, well, I can always write. And as long as I keep doing that, then I am achieving my childhood dreams.

I remember too, just wanting to be happy. Wanting to -- one day -- find someone that can make me laugh, cry happy tears, someone who loves me for me, someone who makes life easy. Even when it's not easy.

I never asked for much -- even as a kid. And the one hope I have is that I'm on the right track to achieving the dreams I set so long ago. I have God to help me along the way, a wonderful boyfriend, great friends and a family that's more than I could ever dream up.

I watched Randy Pausch's full-length "Last Lecture" this morning. And, in it, he says that sometimes you just have to play the hand you're dealt.

No matter how things turn out, I feel like I'm sitting on a Royal Flush. So beat that.