Love.

You feel further away than you've ever felt.

When I look at you sometimes, I don't see the boy with the orange Nehi mustache. I see a stranger. I see someone who cares less about their life than I do.

I shudder to think what you would do left to your own vices. Where you would be without me. Without your family. Without the few positive influences in your life you have left.

I wish you knew how much you meant to me. How much it hurts to think of your betrayal. And how you seem to think of consequences only after you do what reeps them.

I would give my life for you. Literally. I would die for your happiness in a second. A millisecond. Without another thought or another breath or another look at this world. For you, I would do anything. For me? I don't know. I don't know what you would do.

But when you love someone, it doesn't matter what you would get in return. You just surrender all you have for their happiness. I love you like that. I love you in a way most people never feel. I'm thankful, at least, that I can feel what it's like to care about someone that much.

I curse it at the same time. When you love someone so much you would die for them, you walk around in constant pain. You're always worrying about what they're doing. Always thinking about that some one or some thing that can take them away from you.

I wish you could feel that kind of love. Because if you did, somehow, I think you would buck up and start taking care of yourself. Because if you did, you would stop worrying or trying to change your life for you. And you would do it for me. And even though that's not how things are supposed to be, I would accept it. Because then, I know you would be safe.

I don't know the answer for your struggle. But I know one thing -- I want you back.